sleeping beauty

2003-01-31 - 12:27 p.m.

last night i felt uneasy as i read the amazing werewolf story by tanith lee, because as good as it was, i knew that i would be dreaming about wolves, and that it would be a nightmare. first i read an essay about changelings by terri windling, and that was slightly disturbing as well, but that werewolf story nailed it. (damn you, and love you, realms of fantasy!)

in my dream my family and i had driven up this mountain, to the very far corner of tennessee, to stay in this winter cabin. there was snow all on the ground, and the roads were treacherous, especially at the sharp downward slope of the driveway. we were there with lots of other people, my extended family, i believe, because my uncle david was there as i distinctly recall. so it got to be night, and most of the windows were loosely covered by wooden shutters on the inside. there were windows everywhere on this cabin, and many couldn't be shut because they were propped open by huge mounds of snow.

suddenly wolves attacked the house, and anywhere that there was the slightest opening, they could get in. we were fighting them off, trying to keep them out of the windows, but there were so many open and unclosable because of the snow. there were family members upstairs and down, fighting off the wolves. it was terrifying. i ran upstairs, trying to help them reinforce the shutters that were shut but not locked. as long as the windows were totally closed and locked, we were safe. but we just couldn't shut them all. the wolves went away, and we worked frantically, trying to get the windows shut. i went outside with my older sister, very wary and afraid, but we had to go outside, we had to get something out of the car.

we were standing in the snow when laura said, 'it's too quiet.' we stopped, and i looked at the trees and the thick snow surrounding us and the darkness inbetween. even the wind had stopped blowing. everything was completely still. i looked at laura, and we both knew: the wolves were back. we ran as fast as we could and just barely managed to make it back into the cabin before the wolves attacked again. i stood by my father and pulled on this one window that opened at the bottom of the frame, but the snow was too thick.

in perpetual night we fought the wolves over and over again, my family and i desperately trying to shut windows that wouldn't budge. finally day came, and the snow melted enough that we could get the cars out of the driveway. we drove through green hills that were magically almost snow-free, if not completely so, during a beautiful grey-blue day until we reached a tiny diner at the very edge of the state that felt like the edge of the world. a tv crew was there, and they interviewed dad briefly as one of the customers in the diner. 'we're here in turkey, tennessee,' my dad said with a smile at the camera. i turned to mom and said, 'the cabin's okay, but i think it'd be better to stay at in the summer.' and we all ate our soup.

when i woke up i was, of course, very relieved at the moment when i realized that it was all a dream, but also relieved to see no traces of snow outside of our very tightly closed windows. jeeezus christ, what a dream. there are just three kinds of animals that i tend to dream about in nightmares: sharks, snakes, and wolves. i wonder if the wolf thing comes from growing up on a farm and occasionally hearing coyotes howl at night, and seeing the torn up bodies of the cows that were attacked. it was the worst when the cow would still be alive and i'd see it walking around with half a face.

oh, happy notes. i was going to write about my current existential crisis (again, wheee!) and about identifying with enid from 'ghost world,' but i'll have to save that for later. for now i must go meet my siblings and a friend for lunch.
woo hoo!