nothing else compares

2003-04-07 - 8:51 p.m.

just for the record, trying to make a demo on a shitty little talkboy from the early 90's is pretty much a fruitless endeavor. for some weird reason it records my voice slightly faster than normal speed so when i try to play the tape back on anything other than the talkboy the tape plays slightly slower, making my voice sound slightly lower, which is not cool. i guess i'll have to break down and buy a real tape recorder, something like burk buys for kelly in 'get over it.' there's a guy who i give free coffee to who comes into the bookstore every day, and he works at a music store, so maybe i'll just have to ask him about such things. it would be damn handy to have a quality recorder for those crazy and awesome times when i just start singing original songs. try as i may i can never remember the tune later on, even if i write down the lyrics.

yes, i watch 'get over it' just about every time it comes on. what can i say, i love the midsummer night's dream musical. and martin short cracks me the hell up. 'ooo, fun hairclip.' i've been saying that a lot lately, and no one ever gets it. not even moo, who first got me to watch the movie. i love random ass movie quotes. here are some that i use frequently or simply adore:

'we're goin' on safari, motherfucker. safaaaaari!' -death to smoochy

'do you know how fast you were goin'?
65?
63!' -super troopers

'if benjamin were an ice cream, he'd be pralines and dick.' -wayne's world

'iiiiii ammmmm a kiiiiiitttttennnn.' -view from the top

'that's right. mr. joe, foscoe, jr.' -while you were sleeping

'people might think you're...up to something.' -harry potter & the sorcerer’s stone

'i hate this job, i hate this goddamn job and i don't need it!' -office space

'put the bunny back in the box.' -con air

'alright, alright, alright!' -dazed and confused

and those were just to name a few off the top of my head. i thought of writing out the words to 'your penis is too big' from 'the sweetest thing,' but it really must be sung to do it justice.

i watched 'what a girl wants' last friday. it was really cute. and oddly enough, i felt a pang of longing when they showed the montage of her arrival in london. i pointed out to myself that they made london look both clean and friendly, and while some areas were clean, they were not friendly, and vice versa. actually, none of it was particularly friendly. maybe it was because i was in 'city mode' the whole trip, so i was never really open to friendly people, but pshaw. i'd still not label it a friendly city. certainly not hostile, but it's just a very keep-to-yourself city. i found edinburgh and dublin much more accommodating. especially dublin. now ireland is definitely a place i intend to visit more extensively.

sigh. when i was away from home i was homesick, but when i'm home i'm travelsick. sick for, not sick of.
home, where i wanted to roam, home, home, where i wanted to roam...

people keep suggesting i go back to school. to study what, i silently scream. my goals thus far are this:

to travel extensively

to utilize my creative talents in any and all ways

to make money without selling or killing my soul

to move to a city that's not too big, located near water, with an aquarium

to rent a tiny bohemian apartment with good sunlight

to get together often with wild succulent women

to do interesting and fabulous things to my hair

to find true love

to find freedom i can live with

oddly enough, going back to school doesn't really fit in with any of those, except perhaps utilizing my creative talents in some way that has been hitherto unforeseen. the only reason i would go back is to have a prepackaged fresh start. i love those: a month, a semester, a year or two of new people and new places and new everything, all laid out like golden ducks in a gleaming row, simply perfect. but if any part of it isn't perfect, then that's okay, because it's guaranteed to end. maybe that's why i haven't moved already. it's harder to keep leaving when you've got a lease and a job and responsibilities. and i'm afraid that if it's not perfect, which inevitably it won't be, then i'll be stuck. but i'm stuck already by living in the fear of imperfection.

i don't need therapy. i just need motivation. i need enlightenment. i wait for it to drop on my head out of the sky like bird shit. but who ever got anywhere by waiting for bird shit?