non, je ne regrette rien

2004-08-20 - 5:16 a.m.

ever since my dream about meeting christian bale at my grandmother's house the other night, i can't quite seem to get the young batman out of my head. he was so very kind, and pleased to meet me, and i was unwashed in p.j.s but calm, cool, though very much pleased to meet him back. at one point i leaned over and asked him, 'is it okay if i take a moment to be a fan here?' he smiled graciously and nodded. 'i loved your performance in "american psycho." it was just amazing.' secretly i thought of the part when he's naked except for white socks and sneakers and a smattering of blood, chasing the girl down the hall with a chainsaw in his hands, and in a moment of near-verbal diarrhea i almost mentioned said scene but luckily managed to stop myself. he thanked me (so warm! so gracious! so kind!) then, a short time later, left me alone in the house and so very sad at his parting.

the second dream i had that same night involved my first trip to italy, being expected to participate in an artsy quasi-nude dance show, and eddie izzard being a right prat.

now i want to have a christian bale night and watch all the favourites: 'little women,' 'american psycho,' and of course the blindingly brilliant 'velvet goldmine.'

speaking of movies, moo and i rented 'pulse' and 'the dreamers' recently. 'pulse' sucked major ass, and jonathon rhys-meyers, our whole reason for renting, was barely in the last 20 minutes. the rest of the film had us enduring mischa barton stomping around brattily and wearing wet white clothes.

'the dreamers,' now there was something good. it wasn't quite as porny as we were expecting, which was both good and bad. good because i was watching it with my sister, bad because, well, if you're already expecting porn, ya might as well porn it up. more sex did never a bad movie make, in my opinion. but i am pleased to report that the penis gets just as much screen time, if not an inch more, than the vagina + tits.

we've all seen so many movie tits that i'm amazed that the ratings board still considers them even mildly shocking. they should just put tits in the next disney animated film, as much as we've seen 'em. and, to be frank, i'm pretty sick of tits. and i'm not just saying that because i've got my own set. tits don't make a movie erotic anymore, but they do give the director an inflated sense of being hip and edgy.

now peni, that's uncharted waters (for everyone except ewan mcgregor). the film penis, today, has the same effect as the film tits must have had, oh, twenty years ago. vaginas aren't all that shocking either, unless you see pubic hair. pubic-covered pussies are almost in the same league as peni. don't get me wrong, i love the cunt, and screen cunts can be beautiful. but when it comes to hollywood genitals i'm with the queens of comedy. the ladies have been getting bare for years on the big screen. we need more equal opportunity. we need to see more dick!

so michael pitt, i salute you. not only have you had the good sense to be on 'dawson's creek' as well as in 'hedwig and the angry inch,' but you have now joined the hallowed ranks of men such as harvey keitel, men who believe in equality and putting to right years of imbalanced unjustice. my only advice to you is this: now that your dick is out, keep it out. it never hurt ewan's career (except for that god-awful 'down with love' movie, which may or may not have anything to do with his former penis shenanigans.)

any movie set in paris with good music and a healthy serving of male anatomy gets my thumbs up of approval any day.