just believe

2003-06-19 - 1:53 p.m.

i've been awake for god knows how long now, reading the latest issue of 'cosmo' magazine and eating chocolate. occasionally i'll use the bathroom, but i'm trying to stop that since both toilets are stopped up and i can't seem to fix them.

i just heard a noise as of someone dropping something in another part of the house. my response was to yell 'hello?!?,' then slowly shut the door to the study and lock it. i heard noises like this last night, but last night i wasn't alone in the house. it's not like faeries to be that obvious.

i hate real life suspense.

currently listening to incubus, 'just a phase.' it's just a phase and i'm waiting for it to be over. i like the slow build up, the tease of the music, the hesitancy to leap into the chorus. i also like the danny elfman-esque strings in the background. sounds like catwoman every now and then.

tomorrow special k comes in for the weekend. she called and said, 'it's summer solstice, and i can't think of anyone i'd rather spend it with.' she has a habit of doing such things, spending holidays that i didn't even know about with me. i love it. meanwhile, in visiting with chad at his place of work last week, i asked him if he knew of any pagan holidays coming up, as i couldn't recall at the time what it was special k had mentioned celebrating. neither of us could come up with one. then we laughed about what bad pagans we were, and how we'd love to thoroughly celebrate all those cool pagan holidays and such, but damnit, we just don't have the time. i can barely remember christian holidays, what i was raised with for the first 15 years of my life, let alone pagan holidays, which were never taught to me, which i had to glean from books on my own. all i ever know is christmas and halloween. one christian, one pagan. everything else is a muddled mess for me.

so it's summer solstice this saturday. happy summer solstice. now i've gotta go find a book and read up on exactly what it is we're celebrating and how best to do that. we're probably celebrating what most pagan holidays celebrate, which is life in general. and while i'd love to orchestrate some elaborate ritual complete with candles and elderberry wine under the moon, we'll probably end up making rice gimpy treats and watching movies like we usually do. good movies, mind you, and still a valid celebration of life, even if not very ornate or traditional. or maybe we'll go to some 24-hour diner around midnight and stay there for hours talking over coffee. that right there is one of my very favourite celebrations of life, no holds barred.

gosh, how i'd love to have a spiritual teacher in my life right now. you know those bank commercials where you have the couple sitting in their living room, listening to offers from a bank, then dismissing that bank and ushering in another of the waiting horde of banks in the other room? i believe it's for some internet company or something, where the banks compete for you, not the other way around. well i'd love to have that, only instead of banks it would be spiritual teachers from all walks of life in the next room, waiting to truthfully tell me their basic belief structure or structures. in all honesty, i can't think of any religion that i've ruled out entirely, save for perhaps satanism, atheism, and agnostic. and those are ruled out just because i don't feel drawn towards worshipping any religion's view of evil, but i do want to believe in something, and i crave a bit more structure than just knowing that 'something's out there.' those are very basic and generalized views of those three religions, and my intention is not to trivialize them in any way. i'm just saying that they're not for me.

now i needs must work on my much-belated birthday gift for special k, one of the many geminis in my life.

coming soon: the big movie entry!