24 impressions

2003-10-22 - 12:46 p.m.

this is my impression of alestar's diary:

i had a dream about you. we were staring at the moon and i said, "do you think it's yellow or brown up there?" you never looked at me, but you said, "those guys who went there didn't remember it right. we've got to remember it for them."

reading lise's new harry potter slash fills me with joy. because she's cool like that.

like i like pudding.

love to you.

i like doing impressions. i forget the things i like sometimes, like making mixed tapes and singing, but then i remember them and it's all new and fun to me.

i dream about spike from buffy quite a bit these days. i try to watch just a snippet of buffy every day so that i'll continue dreaming about him. yes, after the show went off the air i finally became the geeky fan that i knew i could be. bless moo for taping seasons 1-6.

in anticipation of danny or jon coming in to fix the heating vent in my room i moved my bed to the middle of the room on monday morning, and there it has remained, just waiting for the vent to be fixed so that i won't roast like a wee lamb shank when the heat is turned on.

last night in the middle of one of my famous long-ass baths the dining room ceiling started leaking. again. this is the forth leak we've had in that one room since we moved in. i'm not pissed or anything, as long as we don't have to go through the new bathtub ordeal again. it was a really good bath. i felt really scrubbed clean, soft and good-smelling, thanks to my sugar scrub. then i gave myself a foot treatment before going to bed. i slept in my blue bath towel and socks, because, y'know, it felt right. i also slept with the window open, and with the bed being currently directly in front of the window i feel a constant cool breeze. when i woke up this morning i had the realization that it felt like sleeping outdoors. or maybe that was just because i was mostly naked.

on the actual day of my birth i woke up and made biscuits for dad and moo. we ate doughnuts and leftovers and biscuits and watched the final episode in season 5 of buffy, then moo and i played tetris 2 as dad watched for another 40 minutes. after that they left, and i was alone in the house. i went upstairs and wrote on the very last page of the journal that i started in scotland in august of 2002. i enjoyed finishing something, ending a chapter, just as the clock turned 1:56 pm and i turned 24. either before the writing or after, i forget which, i lay down on my bed and thought about the moments that characterized the years before, leading up to that moment. mostly i thought about my 20s. i worried that i wouldn't find any magic, that all my magic chances were gone, but then i realized that there has been magic in some form every year. in thinking about that i knew that there would be even more magic to come, perhaps lasting magic this time.

even 22 feels young to me. i remember looking forward to 22 with such glee, getting giddy and excited at the thought. then 23 came. now 24. i haven't been home for a birthday since 21. and it feels like a long time, though sometimes it's too short. i don't fear growing old, just losing time. part of me wants to be a child forever, just so that i can horde time like i horde bath bombs or good wine. but it's got to be used. it can't just be wasted in wasting.

bla bla. 24 is good. to a new year, huzzah!