chaos that controls

2004-03-31 - 2:21 p.m.

lately i've been obsessed with the journey song 'don't stop believin'' and i just don't know why. ever since i saw the video on vh1 classics i can't stop humming it.

i'm also currently reading both 'the tao of pooh' and 'the te of piglet' simultaneously. i'm really liking what i'm reading and connecting with the material much more than i expected. if i weren't unofficially bipolar i think that i could retain a taoist sense of mind 24/7. but i don't mind the bipolarity. which perhaps rings familiar with taoist beliefs. not the bipolarity, but the not minding. it's a strange battle, deciding whether to vanquish or embrace my non-socially sanctioned quirks.

not that social sanctions count for much with me. but it can be exhausting upholding the strict standards of the quirks. they're quite demanding. as are many things in life.

i wish that it would stop raining, but above all i wish the cold rain would stop. i like the time just before a warm summer storm, when the air is cool and dangerous, when the sky is grey and the sunshine's closed its eyes. i like driving with my windows down and my hair and music up. and the wind, oh baby.

another summer means another driving mix. i've already made mix VI, and i need to finish reworking mix V. the numbers assign themselves, and they each seem to fit. but as a special treat i'm making laura her first summer driving mix, tailored to her tastes precisely. there will be classics such as rage against the machine and fear factory, then new additions such as maroon 5 and interpol. i'm also working on a mix of hope, which is a response to feelings of hopelessness involved in the current state of affairs and the upcoming election, and it's not as cheesey as it sounds. how can a mix with killing joke be cheesey? exactly, it can't. then there's the home mix, which is again much cooler than it sounds. (simple themes, people. we must be modern with more than our wardrobes and interior designs.)

i keep thinking about new york city. why is that? it was so big when i was there last. but then i was so very small.

now i must write a quick email then sleep. i do love me some good sleep.