a bit of the old in-out, in-out

2003-06-10 - 1:57 p.m.

out of curiosity i decided to see what i was thinking about and writing about one year ago from today. turns out that i wrote two entries on june 10, 2002. one was a fantastic rant about the complete suckiness of 'brigadoon'. the other is an in-depth written out thought process regarding a fairy tale comp cd, which, turns out, i never made. then i wondered what i was thinking about two years ago from today. turns out i was hanging out with my mom and her friends, thinking about trying to freshen up my french, and nervously awaiting a doctor's appointment. i remember that appointment. that was when i got my first pap smear. not the first time i tried to get a pap smear, but the first time i actually got a pap smear.

i also mentioned shaving and being bald as an egg. then, ironically and unconsciously, i mention eggs in my june 10 entry two years later. my first june 10 entry, that is.

do you ever wonder if you're cursed? i've heard stories of people going to ancient wise women and having them break the curse that had been placed upon them. how would one even begin to go about getting a curse removed? let's say that you don't know any shaman-esque old women, and you're not willing to settle for miss cleo or the local tarot reader with the neon sign out front. i suppose one would just have to put the word out, ask friends and the like, and leave it to gods or fate or something to deliver an answer to you. a way out.

not that i'm saying that i think i'm cursed. sure, i'd love to visit an ancient wise woman just to talk with her. who wouldn't? but as for actually being cursed, as in by another human, i don't know. cursing takes an awful lot of time and effort. you'd have to really hate someone to devote all the necessary energy it takes to really curse someone. it's one thing to call someone names whilst driving in rush hour traffic. it's quite another to develop an intense hate for a person or persons over a matter of years. how does anyone have the time to curse anyone these days, i wonder? i mean, really? i have problems just getting to the doctor's office for annual checkups.

i hope that i seem happier in earlier entries because i'm just now coming out of a deep melancholy from these past few months. i hope that my life hasn't gone down the shitter once and for all, that there are still good times to be had. i hope that i haven't changed for the worst. it's probably just the ol' manic-depression coming through.

life is awesome! life sucks! life is awesome again!