change as a good thing

2003-05-28 - 5:20 p.m.

so, it's official: i just changed my life in the span of about 24 hours. sunday found me waking up feeling like shit, calling out sick to work, then lying in laura's bed all day in a stuffy snotty sleep. later on that night rikki called, asked me if i was going to move in with her, and i said yes. monday i went to work, felt kinda shitty still but happy on the inside, worked my ass off alone since everyone else called out sick that day, then at the end of the day i wrote out my two weeks notice, made two copies in the copier, slipped a copy to both the cafe manager and the general manager, then walked out the door feeling like i was walking on air. i blasted coldplay as i drove down the interstate to my grandmother's house, windows down, smiling.

so that's that. just another week or so and i can kiss the bookstore buh-bye. bye bye rude yuppies demanding coffee, bye bye nitpicking managers who fuck up my schedule, bye bye cleaning the granita machines, and good fucking riddance to those visors! HAH!

do i have another job? no. do rikki and i have a place to live yet? no. do i have all my shit figured out? no. do i care? not really. as soon as i'm free of the job i can finally go through all of the piles and piles and piles of shit at my house. i'm cleaning out my soul, baby. i'm giving clothes to goodwill, knick-knacks to friends and relatives, and throwing away anything else that's useless. i'm tired of looking at things and feeling sad and bad and angry. i'm tired of being tied down to memories and past mistakes. i want to focus on the rest of my life now. and getting rid of material objects is the best way for this material girl to do that.

am i nervous? yeah, sure. i remember how long it took to find the job at the bookstore. i know very well that another job might be just as bad if not worse. and moving out of state is a bit scary. but fuck it.

i'm leaving, leaving, leaving. I'M LEAVING! WOO HOO! i have NO bloody idea what the future will bring. and right now i don't care.

a few entries ago i wrote that i would not spend another birthday here. then for a while it looked like all that had changed. i was going to move in with natalie, and make the best out of a dead end town. i was going to find another job in town, any job. it was going to be good. i could have made it work. but now.

but now.

leaving. leaving leaving leaving. for forever? no. this is my homeland. my family is here. i'll always come back. but after a full year here (excluding the scotland jaunt) i'm ready to bust out.

i'm movin', man. i'm fuckin' movin'. things are speeding up. i never thought change could happen so fast. a couple of weeks to organize my past, then i'm gettin' the hell outta here. will it be better? i don't know. but there's trees there, and newness, and open roads. this could be the jumping point, see. the springboard from which everything else launches. i feel kinda wild, kinda crazy, kinda loose. but i won't be alone, and that's the cool thing. i'll be living with a good friend, a friend i've known for years, a friend whom i know and trust.
a friend who's a great cook. yum.

god, life feels fun again. full of possibility. things might happen. things will happen. things ARE happening. yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker.